Survival Strategies 101 - Know your enemy!! #1 FEAR

It took me a long time to realise that it was scarier to live in a relationship than live alone (albeit with my kids). Not only is it a hurdle to be independent but it is horrible to put up with the embarrassment of what others say; most importantly I was terrified regarding which of my many friends would I loose?!? By giving up on a marriage of sadness would I also give up friendships made over decades? I bravely decided that my true friends would support me warts and all, and those that took sides and chose my ex I couldn't really have been able to count on anyway. At this time of my life I knew I was about to launch onto a scarier ride than anything that Dreamworld could dream up, and it has been made easier by some amazingly, wonderful people. I thank all of you!!

So once I had taken that plunge into single-hood, I realised that the "take away" from it was that I simply had to maintain this bravery. It is very easy to fall back into the life of fear-based philosophy but this was NOT going to happen to me, after all FEAR stands for false expectations appearing real anyway so most of it is in your head. When someone would suggest something and I thought it was out of my comfort zone I would swallow hard and say "I'll have a go"; and this is exactly how I ended up in a mixed Triathlon group, doing the swim leg (not my strongest asset ) in the "Stradbroke Is Point Lookout  Triathlon". ... Hello... anyone... twilight and Point Lookout scream one thing - Sharks!!! White pointer, Grey nurse, Tiger, all hungry and ready for a feed at their scheduled dinner time.

Chinny, Greeny and me - 3rd in our category

Any of my many homestay students, my Global Warmers, will totally concur with my trepidation. On the many times I have taken my mixed family members from Brazil, Japan, France etc we have all seen what lurks under the water at Straddie.
I had thought long and hard regarding this plight and reasoned that the slowest in the group would be the designated fast-food option for our watery friends only to be knocked on the head by some smart **** who mentioned that once dining started on that first victim it would be "a feeding frenzy"... Needless to say I did my PB for that event and our team came 3rd overall for mixed.

Now I'm not suggesting that anyone follow my footsteps into extreme gustatory sports for marine life, but my point is I was not going to be scared into a corner of my life,I was not going to feel sorry for myself, I was not going to live a mundane existence, I was going to move forward. I had to be brave for my children, my career that was frowned upon by a lot of people, but mostly for the embers in my soul. If you let them die it is a hard thing to re-light..

My children are strong in mind, body and spirit, something that I believe that they got from our times of stress, struggle and strife. I love them dearly for putting up with my antics, as I believe they do me.

How it all began all those years ago

This single mum

The likelihood of "and they lived happily ever after" being a reality in this day and age is, well, unlikely. Actually the statistics are overwhelmingly in favour of single being the "norm" and I have chosen to follow that norm.


Don't get me wrong, I have been blessed with more than one stint of marital bliss and though not long lasting, due to a myriad of reasons, they did have some amazing outcomes. I managed to produce three fabulously talented and gifted children.


The first bold step into single-dom occurred when my eldest children were 4 and 2 years of age and I took up a full time career as an aerobic instructor and part time nurse thinking that this would be sufficient to keep the bank manager at bay. Now I know that the idea of prancing around on a stage in a g-string leotard grape-vining to MC Hammer and mimicking Jane Fonder trying to tone those butts and thighs may seem very appealing to some (and it did me) but it doesn't do much to pay the bills.

I remember like it was yesterday the time when I realised that I wasn't making ends meet. One evening I got home from 2 hours of classes, my feet aching from the Plantar Fasciitis and shin splints that I was limping with at that time from overuse.  I was welcomed by two very overdue electricity and telephone accounts. I sat down on the small burnt orange chair (that once lived in my big sisters room and later was the chair that I sat and did the night feeds for my babies), it always seemed somewhere that grounded me and made me feel secure but at this point it had no such power, I burst into tears with exhaustion and disillusionment. My eldest boy Alex wandered out of the bedroom he shared with his sister Lizzie, put his arm around my shoulder and said " Don't worry Mummy, I'll look after you"... and you know he has been true to his promise in the most part. It was the turn around for me to think out of the box as to how to be the best I could be as the household provider, assuming both the roles of income generator and wonderful mum.

The very next day I posted an ad in the local tertiary school at Kedron for a room to rent, and by the end of the week I was interviewing Japanese students over here in Australia learning English. Within 2 weeks I had started our rendition of Global warming, that is, the integration of many cultures to myself and my kids and all and sundry who choose to be part of our lives. 

The first International member of the family.
His name is Yoshi and this was 21 years ago. 

My story is one of the journey of my children and myself, how we have spent Christmas's, Easters, Australia Days' and other poignant events with people of so many countries. How we have all managed to understand the differences,  tolerate the customs, accept that we all have our own rights and still laugh around the dinner table. 
This is Global warming at its very best and I hope to warm a few hearts along the way.